My meditation journal

I have been wanting to meditate for a long time and finally came to a place when I was ready for the commitment. So, after reading a few books I decided I was 100% ready to focus. Sitting on the sofa I decided to give it a try. 15 minutes later I checked myself to see how I felt.

Strangely enough I felt SAD. What now – this could not be right. I searched myself for answers and wondered if I had done something wrong. Life went on and day 2 arrived. I meditated again and once I came out of it, I was crying like a dam that had broken down. Hubby got scared and did not know what to do or how to support me. He tucked me in with a kind word that all would be well the next day.

I got up this morning with swollen eyes from all the crying and feeling embarrassed at letting my guard and poise down in front of family. My analytical mind wanted answers and  I searched the internet for an explanation.

I came across one that sounded convincing. Aha .. my mind is like a still pond during meditation, all the gunk resting at the bottom. Meditation is like the stick that stirs the pond and the gunk rises to the top, hence the sadness, hence the tears. I felt like a detective who had just cracked the biggest case in history!!!

I am positive this explanation was on a site with Buddhist teachings. I just do not remember which one. If I remember in the future, I will add the link.

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