Today I was introduced to a practice where once must fill the right hand with a lot of kindness (sort of like stuffing a pillow with cotton), and place that hand on the chest so the kindness can seep in. It is an act of self love I am told.
The person running the event asked me how that felt. I said I felt nothing, not because I am a skeptic but because I do not know how to love myself. I share all my love with the world and do not keep aside any for me.
So, now I am on a quest to love myself: Today I shall write a letter to myself praising me for everything I have accomplished so far: Here goes:
Hey How are you? A bit stressed from the happenings this week? The worst is over and the rest will be taken care of eventually, so relax a little for me?
You have accomplished so much. You left home when you were 18 and stayed at a boarding place for 6 years studying well and hard. You managed your own finances, travels and relationships without bothering anyone. That is so great!
After you were married and left your country, your parents were diagnosed with cancer and you dropped your immediate family, your job to go back to your country to serve them. You took care of medical and other end of life arrangements for both parents who passed within months of each other. No one rallied around you to make sure you were okay, but you rallied around everyone to make sure they were okay. How self less is that?
You bottled everything up to be strong for your immediate family. You served them well and became a good wife, a good mom and a good pet parent, a good sibling. You suited yourself up every day with armor so nothing inside you would spill and took care of everything. Not once have I seen you freeze and not act. Action and problem solving is your way of life. Wow!
Along with ethical and nice people, the world is filled with unethical and nasty people. You have been polite but firm while dealing with these nincompoops. It is hard stuff but be proud that you are able to stand up to people and see them eye to eye, head to head without losing your sense of self respect and collectedness.
It is now time to take care of you. Do not be harsh on yourself, be gentle. Make a list of what you love to do, what excites you and try and do one thing from the list every day; if you do not take care of yourself, who will?
I will keep checking in on you.
Until then, take care and stay strong Iron Woman!